wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
