I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
