So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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