A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
