My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
