office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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