Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
