No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
