The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
