Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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