Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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