i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
