The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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