it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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