I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
