When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
