Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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