so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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