He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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