Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
