Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
