you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
