don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
