The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
