guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
