"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
