her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
