thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
