We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
