Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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