I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
