Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
