I met the friendliest cop last night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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