ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
