you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
