my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
