My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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