I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who died my cat blue again?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
