Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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