Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
