I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need help removing her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
