Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
