Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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