Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
