Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
