I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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