MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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