He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
