is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drake has all the answers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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