I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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