she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
