like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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