Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
