??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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