she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
