three words: i give head
three words: not that well
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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