the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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