Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
