just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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