This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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